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Halfway there

This week I reached the halfway point in my pregnancy. It was a bit overwhelming, with two children my family will officially be complete (we think) and the next chapter of our life will officially start. I will get to hold a new baby in my arms and go through all the same stages I did with Maddy. All that still feels like yesterday, even though Maddy is now 3 1/2 years old. Having children really makes you realize just how fast time goes by.

This pregnancy was much different than the last. Sure, I was blessed with the same 24/7 sickness that I felt with my first pregnancy for 17 or so weeks. Then once I hit week 15, things took another unpleasant twist and I started experiencing uncontrollably hunger. I have never in my life felt something so horrible, every other hour I was sick to my stomach with hunger, nearly keeping an entire drawer in my office full of snacks just so I could make it through the work day.

Though I have stayed pretty consistent with my running throughout, in a period of four weeks I gained almost 8 pounds. I felt out of control. Normally, I try to gain every ounce of the weight recommended by my doctor, but I've never had a problem of gaining too much. I was over eating because I was hungry all the time and I knew it, my doctor new it.

I started making better choices. I eliminated most of the junk and started snacking on large amounts of fruit. I brought an apple, grapefruit and orange with me everyday and when I started to get sick with hunger, I would start eating the fruit. Eventually my weight stabilized and my hunger subsided. I started feeling better.

It was during this time that I had a "moment" with Maddy that changed my entire outlook on my pregnant body. I was standing in the bedroom one morning half dressed, my belly completely exposed. I was frustrated because nothing was fitting the way I wanted and I couldn't find anything to wear to work.
Maddy was standing there watching my every move. Finally, after a few minutes of silence she jumped over to me and wrapped her arms around my expanding waist and said, "Mommy, I can't WAIT to be a grown up like you so my belly and boobies and get big just like yours!" At three years old, she is nothing but brutally honest and completely innocent. I nearly teared up by the made me laugh and it made me cry. How could I stand here and HATE the way I looked when my daughter was standing there admiring me and idolizing me and my new body? She was fascinated by how quickly my body was changing.

And then I started to can I continue to make her feel that way?

I spent the first two years of my college career struggling with body image, I logged my daily intake and limited the number of calories I ate. I believed that all the successful female college runners did this way, and now I believe it all came down to a lack of self confidence and loads of insecurities. Eventually my perceptions changed, but still, I don't want my daughter to ever go through what I did. I never want her to feel insecure about her looks, body, or her abilities. I am not sure if I can even control these things but my actions and comments about my own looks, body, etc. must not feed her insecurities. I need to ensure that I am a good example for my children.
In other news, we recently discovered that we are having a boy! I sure hope he likes purple because that is what Maddy said we MUST paint his room. I'm not sure I can bribe her with ice cream to change her mind on this one!


Murph. said…
Congratulations on the boy. I'm sure he will be PR'ing 5K's before you know it. Maddy is very cute. Have you picked out a name yet?

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